My Experience With BhaiZone

As I once said, Ultracuteness often lands you in a space called BhaiZone. See this 50 shades of grey generation often likes a grey character with darker shades. An average guy with lightish grey character is often left forever alone. He is nice to everyone and often mistaken as a friend. When this friend is possessive for someone, it makes things even worse as he enters the BhaiZone. Yeah..often shyness and inferiority complex is  the common characterstic for people in this zone. Actually he is not shy but he takes more time to open up with people new to him, but till then he has already entered into that zone. Boyfriends of every girl around him come and go liKe Indian Batsman on International pitches and  he stands on the other end like Rahul Dravid doing his duty all the time but not getting credit. He gives her hint  and keeps doing his own little stint. It really hurts when she takes innumerable selfies with him and send that pictures for editing and then Instagram it with #LoveYouBhai and #InstaLove ( It is compulsry). Sitcoms like The Big Bang Theory and movies like Revenge of The Nerds boosts his confidence. But when he gets into real world he has no choice but to sit with his laptop and his Half Girlfriend ( Symbol of INC). In the Decleration Of BhaiZone, Bill Gates quote- In the constant pursuit to get out of the BhaiZone, Patience is the Key, once you are rich, the ball is in your court and you will find your “True Love”.

GOD is a novel concept.

God is a novel concept. The first invention in Artificial intelligence. A concept which goes beyond heart and mind and make its way to the SOUL. It was meant to be a life changing concept for human beings. It was meant to spread love and peace. Everything was well and good till few influential and power hungry evil scientists saw GOD as an opportunity to fulfill their greed. These evil scientists installed a red chip in the HOLY system and called it RELIGION. This red chip corrupted the whole system and deleted some default programs of love and peace and installed some new ones like hate, greed and intolerance. An additional patch was installed later which was called MONEY. The perfect recipe for evil.

These evil scientists made their own armies and lured people to join them. These power hungry douchebags started a war which helped nobody but them. They brainwashed people and infested them with fear capsules in their research labs which they call temples, churches and mosques etc. Over the years as this war has become gruesome, the money blankets under which these evil scientists secretly masturbated while exercising celibacy ( FAKE BTW!!!) is becoming more and more comforting for them and disturbing for us.

I am not against GOD. Everybody has a secret personal relationship with GOD, which each one should respect. Some people take God as a spiritual being, while others consider Him as a father figure which will inspire them in the course of their life etc, etc. See nobody should stand between you and your faith. Likewise, you cannot tamper others faith. HE is here to spread goodness and not evil. Religion is doing nothing but eroding this novel concept of God.

Dadi Maa

Dekha Bambai ke pradushit aasman ko toh,

Bas ek tara dikha , chamkta sitara dikha.

Dekh ke uss sitare ko dadi maa ki kahani yaad aa gayi,

Unki khoobsurat aakhen yaad aa gayi.

Woh saari ki ek choti si ghitan main duniya basa leti thi,

Papa office se late ho jaaye toh unhe bhi saja deti thi.

Unki jasdooi almaari main,

Apne aap hi humaari gulak ke paise dugne ho jaate the.

Maa nahi rehti thi jab ghar pe,

Tab mithai ke dabbe apne aap khali ho jaate the.

Shayad bhagwaan tak pahunch gayi thi woh halwe ki khusboo

Jise banaate banaate dadi maa unke pass chali gayi.

Uss halwe ke swaad se dadi ne bhagwan ko bhi pata liya aur

Mere ghar ke upar waale aasmaan par apna naya ghar bana liya.

Yaadon Ki Chutti

Yaadein ek din ki chutti par jaaye
Aur mujhe waapas chota bacha bana jaaye
Akal se thoda katcha bana jaaye
Yeh Duniya waapas ek jadoo si lage
Har Ek Phool ki khushboo bekaboo si lage
25 paise ki goli jitna sapna ho jaaye
Apna waapas apna ho jaaye
Kutta bhoke toh main bhi bhoku
Bandar naache toh main bhi naachu
Log waapas thode pagal se ho jaaye
Naak main chitti ungli galti se chale jaaye
Hamesha tapakti laar se zameen geeli ho jaaye
Yaadein ek din ki chutti par jaaye
Aur mujhe waapas chota bacha bana jaaye.

Message from Soul

Dear Man,
Hey there, this is your soul, not your soulmate.. You idiot, your soul. Its been a long time since we last met. I think you have become so obsessed with technology and artificial connections that now you need a smartphone application to face your inner self also. I don’t blame this on you. This new technology and innovations have seduced you to be a part of this RatRace.
You should embrace the fact that I am the one who stays in this world after you leave. I really need a nice home this time, as in a body of a person who is around less two faced people and who has the time to talk with me. Yeah.. Yeah, I might sound a bit selfish here. But I know what is best for you. I am not patronising you like the other beings of the world. But for our partnership to be successful you have to listen to your inner self. YOURSELF. You are no sheep. Goddamnit. You are a Human being. You cannot follow others, you are here to lead.
So take your mirror and see eye to eye in your own eyes and say something like the old days. So I can get your message. Always remember, You are here for something great. Please don’t listen to others. Only listen to your gut feeling.
Hope to get your reply soon.

Only Yours (For the time being)
The Soul.
(I know you have become a slave of popularity. You will post this letter on WordPress to get some petty views. See.. I got you again).

Zindagi ne mujhe meri aukaat dikha di

Zindagi ne mujhe meri aukaat dikha di,

Bhuke pait aur Ek Muskaan se ek hi jism pe mulaqaat kara di,

Ab toh paanch sitara hotel main duniyabhar ki cheezein khaate hain,

Par woh muskaan kahi chali gayi , jo udhaar ke doodh se bani maa ke haath ki kheer khakar aati thi.

Zindagi ne mujhe meri aukaat dikha di,

Nange pair aur ek hansi se ek hi jism pe mulaqaat kara di,

Ab toh morning walk bhi NIKE ke joote pehen ke karte hain,

Par woh hansi kahi chali gayi, jo khud ke phate joote seene ke baad aati thi.

Zindagi ne mujhe meri aukaat dikha di,

Phate kapdon aur ek khushi se ek hi jism pe mulaqaat kara di,

Ab toh shirt main button bhi sone ka lagaate hain,

Par woh khushi kahi chali gayi, jo maa ki phati saari ke neeche chupne main aati thi.

Zindagi ne mujhe meri aukaat dikha di.

Nightmare and Daydream

I was a nightmare, you were a daydream
When we first met,  we just sat and chat
Then only we started to date.
I don’t know why you liked me,
And everyday Skyped me.
Ooh.. So you saw that love in my eyes,
But I was stupid,
I never got over your beauty to see the same love in your eyes.
You knew that and took advantage
I thought I am turning into a Daydream
That all the things which were happening between us were real
But then you left without saying anything
And it turned out to be another gloomy nightmare.

If Karan Johar made Interstellar

If Karan Johar made Interstellar, first of all, there will be a love triangle between TARS, Dr. Brand and Cooper and before getting seprated from the two, Cooper will give some courtship tips to TARS,   Kyunki Kya Pata Kal Ho Na Ho.
Professor Brand , (who will be a gayish character) will have a secret crush on Dr. Mann. While his daughter is leaving, he will say that dialogue which has now become cliche over the years , yeah.. You guessed it right, Ja Beti Ja jeele apni zindagi and that poem ‘Do not go gentle into that good night’, will run in Background (Sung by Sonu Nigam).
Ofcourse Cooper will not be able to complete the mission because Murph will have a common cold (established by one sneeze) and the next thing we see is Cooper is in a space shuttle crossing all the barriers of OuterSpace, Quantum mechanics and Relativity to find out that Murph has already reached to a Space station which is called Dharma Productions and it is currently orbiting Saturn.
But how did Murph reach to this space station…. Well for that we have to go in flashback (It’s a Karan Johar film). Just to take audience in Suspension of Disbelief, Cooper was sent to Space (aur ek love song bhi shoot ho gaya OuterSpace main). The actual plan of NASA was to organise a ‘Astronaut Of The Year’  competition which has three rounds- Space Shuttle race, Humanoid -Human dance ball and Treasure hunt. Murph wins the competition and gets Rohit Mehra’s (Not Rahul) old computer as a prize. She clicks four random keys on the keyboard , which sounds like my father’s burp *Om, Om, Om, Om* and in the next scene she is in a space ship with Jadoo and they go to a space station near Saturn. (Fuck Fifth Dimension, Black Hole, Wormhole, who needs all that when we have Jadoo). Kajol is already waiting there for his guest appearance (It’s a Karan Johar film).
Once, Cooper reaches to the train station, Murph throws a party in which she invites all the famous celebrities from different galaxies.

Happy Ending.

Aabru, Aarzoo aur Justuju

Aurat ki aabru ko aadmi ne
apne pajame ka nada samjha hai
Jab chahe tab Khol deta hai
Aurat ki aarzoo ko aadmi ne
Apne shirt ka button samjha hai
Jab chahe tab tod deta hai
Aurat ki justuju ko aadmi ne
Apne joote ka fita samjha hai
Jab chahe tab baandh leta hai
Par pagal aadmi yeh bhul jata hai
Ki usse pajame ka nada bandhna,
shirt ka button lagaana aur joote ke fite bandhna,
ek aurat ne sikhaya tha.

Khawabon Ka Traffic Hawaldaar

Khawabon ki rehguzar main bahut se Traffic Hawaldaar khade hain
Un sabhi ko 100 ki hari patti ki aisi lat lag gayi hai ke kya bataun
Ek khwaab pura hote hi, Apna lal signal lekar pahunch jaate hain
Kehte Hain beta tum isse aage kya ja paoge
Beta tumse na ho payega
Phir unn chote logon ko 100 ki hari patti sungha kar,
Hazaaron ke dilon main raasta banana padta hai.

PK – In My View

As I write this post, there are rumours that pk is an alien from outer space who comes to earth to discover God. PK’s character also seems pretty similar to Mr.Bean to many people. I don’t know who PK is exactly. But the teaser says alot about the film. The movie challenges the reality. It is a satire on the daily life of a common man. It judges the normal way of life. For instance, the clothes we wear; Helping the poor etc.

God is a huge part of common man’s life. So the movie will surely have its say on the way we percive different Gods. The restless and stupid people who are targeting Aamir Khan for posing nude in the film saying that it will promote homosexuality ( which is a bigger deal in India than caste system and gender bias) should wait for the film to release. They have never laid their fingers on the monks who roam nude on the streets. (This may spark a controversy). Clothing is a man made concept. God never told us to wear clothes. Nobody was born suited booted. ( Oh.. Wait, but God Himself is a man made concept).

All in all, through PK’s character, Rajkumar Hirani and Abhijat Joshi will mock every aspect of our so called normal life, while, keeping the Hirani’s style of film making alive. I don’t know how much money this movie will make, but it surely will be another path breaking movie in Indian Cinema by the Director – Writer duo. This movie will make us think.