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Lame Shorts #2 (My Fart)

My fart is like a magical dart,
Which always hits the bullseye of embarrassment.
My fart is an abstract art,
Which pisses off people.
My fart is not that smart,
As it breaks the wrong wind at the wrong time.
In short my fart is my inseparable part,
And it has the power to burn my enemy’s heart.

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Mumbai Ke Log, Mumbai ka Mausam

Mumbai ke log, Mumbai ka mausam
Dono ek se hi lagte hain
Ek din main na jaane kitni baar karwatain badalte hain.
Par mujhe yeh samajh nahi aata
Ki mausam ke kaaran log aise hai,
Ya logon ke kaaran mausam aisa hai.
Ki logon ka gussa itni garmi paida karta hai,
Ya iss dhoop ke kaaran log itna gussa karte hain.
Ki logon ke aansu dekhar, aasmaan bhi rone lagta hai
Ya baarish ke bahaane log apna rona ro lete hain.

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Ki thodi der ke liye hi sahi
Jab mausam khushnuma ho jata hai,
Toh kya yeh kudrat ka karishma hai,
Ya koi asli Mumbaikar ke dil ki awaaz.
Kuch bhi ho.
Par Andheri East main auto aaj bhi badi mushkil se milta hai.

Image Credits – ScoopWhoop

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I was Alarm Clock Zoned

I woke her up every morning
Leaving a “Seize the Day”  message
She didn’t reply.
Both at lunch and dinner
I reminded  her to eat properly
Leaving a “Eat Healthy”  message
But she didn’t reply.
After a long day,
I texted her a joke
Which I supposed made her laugh.
And she finally reply,
You are just like my alarm clock, LOL!!!
I was hurt..
I felt miserable.
But she doesn’t care
And like every other night,
She might have put me on snooze,
And gone to booze.
I was Alarm Clock Zoned.

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Dil Toh Secular Hai

Yeh jo dil hai woh bada hi secular bana phirta hai
Isse “love jihad” ka concept samajh nahi aata
Iss bewakoof ko kya pata,
Kitni himmat lagti hai unke pass jaane main
Par yeh toh unko dekhte hi unke peeche bhaagta hai
Usse mazhab se koi farq nahi padta hai
Woh toh bas andar aur bahaar ki khoobsoorati par marta hai,image

Aur kisi se nahi darta hai
Ab usse pyaar ko ishq kehne waale aziz hain
Toh main kya karu.
Meri koi galti nahi hai
Bada Matlabi hai woh
Usse toh apne kaam se matlab hai bas
Usse toh dooriyaan mitane se matlab hai bas
Issi Dil ki galtiyon ka thikra mere sir girta hai
Yeh dil bada secular bana phirta hai

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Mere Papa

Meri khawishon ka bhoj utha kar chale hain woh,
Mere sapno ko haqiqat main badalne ki koshish main joote hain woh,
Apni zaroorat ko pare rakh kar meri zaroorat ko pura karne main lage hain woh.
Har shaam jab woh office se ghar shanti ki talaash main aate hain,
Toh main unke saamne kranti bankar khada ho jata hu.
Aur unpe apni ziddon ki bumbari karta hu.

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Kabhi Kabhie main darr jata hu,
Ki woh meri har zidd ko pura karte hain,
Kya woh mujhse kuch zyada hi umeed lagaye baithe hain.
Par phir mere sir par ek tapli padti hai
Aur unki bhaari si awaaz aati hai,
zyada mat socha kar
Bacha hai tu abhi.
Main toh bas itna hi chahta hoon,
Ki teri zindagi sawar jaye
Aur mera sir garv se uncha ho jaaye.

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Come Sit, Let’s chat (English translation)

Come sit, Let’s chat
You had a long walk on my warm sand today,
So sit down,
Light your cheap cigar,
And curse those who are standing higher than you at the podium
Pity those who are sitting below at the podium
I am the Sea
You needn’t show off in front of me,
You are with me
Speak your heart
Every drop of mine is a story,
And your story also has a special safe box.
Smile is the minimal charge
You have to pay to open an account with us.
Actually, it’s pretty important for a city like Mumbai
To have such a bank
Where the tumult of your heart is lowered
And your happiness is compounded
So I will again annoy you like a stubborn bank agent,
Come sit,  Let’s chat

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Aao Baitho Baatein karte hain

Aao Baitho, baatein karte hain
Ab garam reth par nange pair mere kinaare tak aaye ho,
Toh Baith Jao,
Jalao apni sasti si bidi
Aur koso unhe jo tumse unche paaydaan pe khade hain,
Dhudkaro unhe jo tumse neeche paaydaan par baithe hain.

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Main Samundar hun.
Mere saamne tumhe koi dikhawa nahi karna hoga
Tum Mere saath ho
Keh Do jo bhi dil main hai
Meri Har ek boond kisi na kisi ki kahaani hai
Maine sabki kahaniyo ko sambhaal kar rakha hai
Tumhari bhi ek khaas jagah rakhi hai
Khushiyon ka charge lagta iss kahaaniyon ke bank main
Mere pass agar aate ho toh kam se kam ek muskaan toh deni hogi
Zaroori hai bhai Mumbai jaise shehar main
Meri taraf ek baar mud ke dekhna.
Iss kahaaniyon ke bank main aapke dard kam kare jaate hain
Aur khushiyon ka interest milta hai.
Toh woh hi main waapas kahta hu
Ki account kholne ke liye
Aao Baitho, baatein karte hain

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Mujhe toh samajh nahi aata

Context – My dad is an architect and my mom is an artist. This poem depicts my feelings when I was a kid. This is inspired by a poem of Rabindranath Tagore.

Maa, Papa din bhar kaagzon pe kya banaate hain
Meri toh kuch samajh nahi aata
Kuch square aur circle  kya bana lete hain,
Unhe toh aapse bhi zyaada waah waahi milti hai
Aap toh kitni khoobsoorat drawing banaate ho,
Unhe kuch sikhaate kyun nahi.
Unke bikhre hue kaagzon pe maine ek din unse accha circle kya bana diya,
Toh jalan ke kaaran unhone mujhe kamare se baahar nikal diya.
Aap toh Parion ki puri duniya design karti ho,
Par woh toh issi duniya ke chote se kone main kisika ka ghar design karte hain.